you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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