dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize
