if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
