Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
This toilet bowl is my home.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
