Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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