; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
