Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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