So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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