Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
