Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
