You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
