I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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