I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
