A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
