and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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