i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I didn't notice because vodka
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
