what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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