You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
