when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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