margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
you traded sex for a burrito?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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