There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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