um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Green mimosas i think yes
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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