I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
