i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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