it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Randomize