Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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