He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
