he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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