after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
