Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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