trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
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it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
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I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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