stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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