How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
