i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
