I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize