we'll go far in life on tits alone.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Randomize
