Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
