6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
My dick has a subreddit
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
