for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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