I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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