All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
