ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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