If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
We need to rekindle our bromance
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Randomize
