I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
