Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
