I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Randomize
