Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
