so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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