I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
