I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
