I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
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There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
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I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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