I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
