I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
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Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
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I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.