i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.