Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(914): View more from New York

so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water

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(662): View more from Mississippi

New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?

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(323): View more from California

Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.

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Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Read it at the TFLN blog
(+43): View more from

After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...

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(425): View more from Washington

How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?

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(970): View more from Colorado

Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.

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