I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
23 Struggles Kids These Days Will Never Know
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts