White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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