How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
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He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
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You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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