ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
