My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
