Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
