And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
