He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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