I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
