My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Randomize
