Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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