I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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