Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
