Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Randomize
