Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
