I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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