i think my tv is drunk
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
