I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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