i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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