: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
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