dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
