i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
im having a threesome with these popsicles
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
